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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/8/2010 Posts: 914
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Hi All,
The last few days have been a nightmare for all of us, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and we have been devastated. It was the hardest thing in the world to sit and listen to someone tell you that your dad is going to die. I feel completely numb, and dad has been so ill and didn't expect that news, he was in complete disbelief.
I don't know where I got my strength from today, I called this morning and asked how he had slept and how he was feeling now the news had sunk in. I chatted to him for a few minutes and then called the nurses back and asked if we could take him out for a few hours. The charge nurse arranged this and he wanted his haircut, then we went for lunch at a restaurant by the beach. After that we took him home to check on things. He enjoyed his while out but was tired when we got back. He looked so well and had a good colour with the fresh air.
It's so hard to take it on board, you just feel you want to scream, but it is all in your head. We are a very close family and this is hurting so bad, my girls are so close to him and can't face what is going to happen. This is when you sit and think of all the bad people in the world and ask WHY did it have to be him? I live in hope he will keep really positive and delay the inevitable.
Thank you for being there, it is good to write down the despair I feel.
Lorna x
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009
Posts: 2,127
Location: Thornton Cleveleys
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Hello Lorna I am so sorry to hear about your Dad and recognise how difficult this must be for you and your family. Something like this does knock you for six and the feelings of disbelief and unreality are common at times like this. It's lovely that you were able to take your Dad out today and he enjoyed that time with you. Things such as this become so very special and I feel sure it means a lot to him too to know he has his family close by. I hope your Dad isn't in too much pain and nursing staff are able to keep him comfortable. I am thinking of you, and your family, Lorna and hoping that the coming weeks will not be too difficult for you all. Take care of yourself and do let us know how you are. Love Lyn x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 856
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Dear Lorna
I read your post with tears in my eyes as I lost my dear dad last year. Although it wasn't cancer, the news that there was nothing more that could be done for him was unbearable to cope with at times. The impact it made on me was such a shock and even now, almost a year on, it is still so painful. I'm glad you had a good day with him- these things are so special. Sadly, I wasn't able to see dad as much as I would have liked, as I lived quite a distance away, but I made sure that I phoned him every day. Bless him, he remained positive and cheerful, even on the days when his breathing was so difficult that he could barely speak. It meant so much to him to know that he was loved.
I will keep you and your family in my prayers and pray he can be kept pain free and comfortable.
Maria x
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 3/4/2010
Posts: 576
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So sorry to hear this news Lorna. You coped so well yesterday adn I'm so glad you had a good day together. I know what you mean about the wanting to scream - hope that you have good friends nearby to help you through this, as well as your daughters. Much love to you all xx Ailsa
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Morning Lorna
I am so sorry to hear the very sad news about your dad, it must be so devastating for you all. I know you and all the family
will be very strong and positive for your dad at such a difficult time. I know what you mean, life never seems fair I often think it.
Thinking of you and the family Julia xx
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Morning Lorna
I am so sorry to hear the very sad news about your dad, it must be so devastating for you all. I know you and all the family
will be very strong and positive for your dad at such a difficult time. I know what you mean, life never seems fair I often think it.
Thinking of you and the family Julia xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,157 Location: Huddersfield
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Hi Lorna,
I'm so sorry to hear the awful news about your Dad, you must all be devastated.
It's good you were able to take him out yesterday and I hope you get lots more days like that. It seems he has a close, loving family around him to keep him positive.
Thinking of you,
Love, Doreen xx
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009
Posts: 1,035
Location: in a house
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i have a differant veiw of dieing Well its going to happin to all of us .Though none of us expect to die we think we go on for ever .But it will happen to each and one of us . And when we are told it s going to be sooner we all think really it should not happin . but it will happen to everyone on this earth . To me its where i might end up which is important .I think thinking about dieing is important when you meet your maker .What is he going to say . i know i have a short life Christine The chocolate eating housewife ...The washer woman .....naughty lady
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 1,689 Location: Durham
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Hi Lorna, I`m so very sorry that you`ve got such devastating news about your dear dad - your emotions will be all over the place : anger, sorrow, frustration, and probably most of all, a sense of helplessness. It was such a good idea to take him out, and have another memory to cherish. It`s so hard when you are such a close-knit family, but you will all pull together and be there for your dad and for each other. I have a lump in my throat now, as we are a very close family too, and I went through this with my mam, who died of leukaemia.She lived a little bit longer than predicted, through will-power I think, but it was very hard, and I was never very good at taking one day at a time. She was always more concerned for us than herself - probably your dad will be the same. She said we had to always stay close as a family, and wrote letters for us for after she`d died.Thirteen years on, I still wish she was here, but it was not to be. I`ll keep you all in my thoughts and in my prayers. Take care, Kathleen C. x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 8/25/2010 Posts: 1,289 Location: Buckinghamshire
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hi Lorna,
i am so sorry to hear the sad news about your Dad. there is never an easy way to cope with it and i agree with Kathleen your emotions are all over the place.
when i lost my Mum i had to take the phone call from the Hospital that she had sadly died on the operating table, and it's something that will stay with me forever.
hope you have some good days with him that you can look back on and remember fondly.
cry when you have to, it's something i really find helps rather than bottling things up and trying to put on a brave face.
you are in my thoughts Lorna,
Suzanne x
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 5/19/2010
Posts: 384
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Hi Lorna,
Sorry to hear your sad news.
Thinking of you.
Anne x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 263
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Hi Lorna so sorry for your bad news about your dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Kathleen Mc. x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 9/5/2010 Posts: 364 Location: mid glamorgan
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Hi Lorna
So sorry to hear about your dad thinking of you and your family xx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 1,524 Location: W. Yorkshire
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Lorna, such a devastating time for you all. I'm glad you are able to think of some nice things to treat him to. I know just what you mean by why your Dad when there are so many horrible people in the world. It just seems to be always the good guys. YES I'VE CHANGED, PAIN DOES THAT TO PEOPLE.
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Rank: Advanced Member
Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009
Posts: 2,127
Location: Thornton Cleveleys
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Morning Lorna Thinking about you and wondering how things are. Hope you have an opportunity to spend some special time with your Dad over the weekend and your spirits are not too depleted despite the very difficult circumstances. In my thoughts, Lyn x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 838 Location: Nottinghamshire
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Hello Lorna
So sorry to read about your dad. I know what its like. My mum bless her had skin cancer that spread, a stupid little mole that she just ignored until it was to late. She had the mole removed and then a few months later she started to feel ill and was re-admitted to hospital. My father and myself sat in a room with a doctor telling us that there was nothing they could do for her, it had spread to her liver. They gave her anything from one day to a year. We had to go and sit back with her, knowing what we knew and having to act like everything was OK. We asked for her not to be told. We then had a glimmer of hope and she was taken to another hospital to be seen by another consultant who may be able to help, if he couldn't she would be sent home.
I went to see her in hospital and she sat there smiling in bed saying that she was going home. It was Mothers Day 1991. I at the time was 33, had two children who I decided not to tell. They have said since that they are glad that I didn't.
I then found myself in a similar situation with my dad several years later, taken into the patients lounge by a doctor and told that the next 24 hours was critical, me protesting that he was a strong man, the consultant telling me that he was old and had a bad heart. A few days later I had to give permission for them to switch the machine off that was keeping him alive. It happened so quickly.
I never know what is the best.........knowing like I did with my mum waiting for the inevitable to happen or like my dad, it happening so quickly. Some people may say that they wished that they had more time with someone, some people just don't want to know. All I can say to you Lorna is to enjoy every minute that you've got left with him. Cry when you're not with him, always have a smiley face and just make him happy.
Love Paula x
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Rank: Advanced Member Groups: Registered
Joined: 2/18/2010 Posts: 1,098 Location: farningham kent
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Just a note Paula to say I was very sad to read that you went through so much with the loss of your mum and dad. I m sure your thoughts will be of much benefit.
Julia x
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/3/2009 Posts: 3,006 Location: Timperley
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So, so sad to hear this, Lorna. Although it's not the same at all, our dearest friend of many years was told yesterday that his cancer had returned. He had a kidney removed last year and it's spread to his lungs and his other kidney. He, too, is a wonderful guy. Not fair, is it?
MUCH love to you
Jeanxxxxxx
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 12/4/2009 Posts: 312
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Dear Lorna,
I feel for you having to cope with such devestating news
about your father.
Losing a parent is hard.
Try to enjoy the remaining time with him when you can.
You will never lose him in your heart.
I know that this is true.
My Dad died when I was 23, after 14 years of ill health.
But in my heart he is the young Dad of my childhood.
Cherish your happy memories of good times together.
Much love,
Fiona
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Rank: Advanced Member  Groups: Registered
Joined: 1/29/2010 Posts: 264
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Hi Lorna,
Just wanted to how sorry I was to read your post and to say say thinking of you working through all of this . It is hard, although my dad didn't have cancer we were is a similair situation two years ago. I'm so glad you've been able to take him out and enjoy time with him.
My mum died suddenly many many years ago and there were so many things I would have wanted to say had we had time. I know its no consolation to you at the moment but with my dad, because we knew there was a little time to share what we wanted to say on both sides it was easier. Sometimes I found it hard to listen to some of the beautiful things he said as it made me sad knowing he wouldn't be here for long, and I know he also found it hard when I shared things with him, but Lorna I'm so glad we did and that we were given that time.
It wasn't all doom and gloom we were also able to share laughter and I found out so much about his life that I never knew about.
Looking back there are still days when I shed a tear, but often I look at his picture and smile back, thankful that although we were close before we became closer during that time.
It is hard, but you will get through this, with the help of your family.
In the meantime, as I said, my thoughts are with you.
Love
Sheila
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